Lenkapalooza Continues

Český Krumlov
Originally uploaded by apes_abroad.

Okay so, from here things get a little hazy. We took a day trip to the Bone Church in Kutna Hora. It was this little nothing church until some famous religious guy threw special dirt on the floor, then it suddenly became the hottest place for miles to have your grannie buried. Everybody wanted in, and after a few plagues and a thousand or so years, this tiny church had 30,000 bodies and no space to put them. They’d leave the bodies in the ground for awhile then have to dig up the bones and make room for fresh corpses. First they just stacked the bones outside, then some nutball monk started getting creative. He arranged them in huge cubes, pyramids, in the shape of crosses and spelling out words, and in a spectacular chandelier. The oddest was a coat of arms that used lots of the smaller bones for all the details. For most of it he only used the best bits (femurs and skulls) because he had so damn many to work with. I believe I finally had my fill of dead people on this outing.

That night we experienced The Pub (Pilsner Unique Bar). It’s a chain of bar/restaurants with beer taps in the center of each table. You compete on a huge scoreboard to see who can drink the most each night against people in other bars and cities. I’m happy to say we were tops in our bar and third in the country by the end, though it helped having 9 people at our table. The food was surprisingly good too, except for the nachos which Colin ordered against everyone’s advice. He’s been craving Mexican food since we left BC but here sometimes ‘nachos’ means Doritos with watery tomato sauce dip.

Next day we left Prague for good and headed to the cutest little town in Czech: Český Krumlov. It’s adorable, adorable adorable. There’s a huge church all painted up with trompe l’oeil and sundials, there’s a bear moat (with bears!) and a big wall all built into bare rock. The big river in Prague also runs through here and is dotted with restaurants and cafes and people raft on it. It’s touristy but in a very chill way with lots of local artisans and cute cafes, no obnoxious touts or trinket shops.

We went for dinner at the Two Marys, and here is where things got seriously fuzzy for me. We shared another big meat plate, but the portions were surprisingly small for Czech and we didn’t end up stuffed full as usual. Which meant more room for beer and delicious hot mead. Lots of room. We ate outside beside the river, it starting to rain lightly but still warm and we were under cover. We met some German guys in their 70s who were bicycling across the country and stayed for another round. And another.

Then we came back to the hotel – oh I should describe it too because it’s worth recommending – the Traveler’s Hostel is run by very nice people and the apartment that we shared with Charlie and Chelsea was like a ski lodge, one three story high room with a kitchenette and view of the castle. We all spent most of the next morning in there because of what happened after we got back from dinner. We ended up in the Hostel bar drinking beers, wine and soda, and you could tell the exact moment things got out of control: tequila shots.

So some things happened, I think there was a dog and foosball, a scruffy Australian guy, a lenghthy Christopher Walkin impression and an excessive amount of Alanis Morisette. Cut to most of us waking up still in our clothes and with terrifying hangovers. Colin seemed to have the worst of it, but if I remember clearly I think the tequila was his suggestion. The day after was a bit of a writeoff, but we spent most of it on the train to Plzen anyway. We all squeezed into a train compartment together and I nodded off for some of it.

If I had dreamed it might have been about some of the Czech stuff I’ve forgotten to mention so far:
– Zachodova Baba (Bathroom Grandma), our name for the ladies who take your 5 crowns in pay toilets
– Potato Pancakes soaked in pork knuckle fat
– Jeff holding whole conversations in Czech after just learning it, such amazing linguistic talent!
– Křdžhřk (Crojar) and his even more mentally deranged younger brother Aggro Bucket Man
– Hot Cherry Brandy and cold Raspberry pop
– Sharing a train compartment with a surly twentysomething nerd in a black dragon t-shirt
– Creepy VW Bug-sized metal babies climbing up the side of a communism era tower
– Heisel Humr (Toilet Lobster), the product of some sleep deprived minds on the train
– Rabbit and Quail and Venison oh my
– Lenka ordering for us in Czech at every restaurant and buying all our train and tour tickets, what a wonderful guide she has been!
– Evil train station lunch ladies
– Glowing fetuses on the sides of buildings
– Stinky smelly pickled beer cheese
– The magician pulling a hankerchief from Lenka’s rear end


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